My Diabetes Story _Part 2

Let's see where was I? I was in college, on meds that made me gain weight, told to loose weight and dealing with some pretty annoying side effects of the diabetes medication. It seems like in the 2 years left of college I was on at least 4 different medications, a few different doses of those medications and several combinations of those meds. My doctor, the first of a series of very arrogant Endocrinologist, would preach to me about cutting out sugar and would accuse me of lying, when I promised I was doing the best I could.

Life went on, I graduated college, started teaching, switched roommates a couple of times, had a cat, found a loving home for the cat, adopted a dog, bought a house, and adopted a second dog. All this time, I was never in control of my blood sugars. I would go through phases of doing everything right. I would avoid bad carbs, exercise, stick to the plan, then I would go to the doctor and still have a horrible A1C. The doctor's preaching about how loosing weight and eating right would enable me to live without medications and their side effects, just made me sad. Then I would swing to the other extreme. I would stop taking my meds, start eating what everyone else seemed to. I wouldn't feel any different and the raise in my A1C didn't seem to matter.

Then in January of 2002, I met Brent. I think Brent was shocked when I told him I was diabetic. When we met I was not taking meds and didn't give a rip. I don't know what he knew about diabetes before me, but he made it clear that he cared about me and wanted me to deal with it. Our courtship was quick, and later that same year, we got married. I started to consistently deal with the never ending task of managing blood sugars. I was still on oral medication, seeing a new, but equally arrogant endocrinologist. (I don't know why I need to tell you that all my endos have been arrogant, but it just let's you know how everyone seemed to be able to wrap their minds around me being diabetic and felt like they knew exactly what I should do, but I didn't.)

Brent was set to graduate in 2005 so, in mid 2004 I was thinking ahead about what I needed to do to start a family. I knew I had to get my blood sugars right before going off the pill. I sat down with my doctor to have the "baby talk." He immediately said insulin was my only option. That oral diabetes meds are not safe during pregnancy and that I didn't have control with them anyway. In September, I started insulin. Still no one mention a test for type 1 or antibodies attaching beta cells or C-peptide levels. In January, after only 3 mos on insulin, I has able to get my sugars within the normal range (something I hadn't been able to do in 7 years on oral meds), and I was medically released to start a family. I was, however, warned that I had a bunch of factors stacked against me and to not stress about getting pregnant and that the endocrinologist could "help" me get pregnant. His final word was to not worry about it for a year and then to come back and see him when I wasn't pregnant. In a year, Claire was 3 months old.

Being pregnant was great motivation for staying within normal range. I was testing 6+ times a day and usually giving myself shots 7+. I would test and shoot up before meals, test 2 hours after eating and if I was the slightest bit high, I would inject more insulin. I was also on nightly, long acting lantus. My entire pregnancy my A1Cs were under 5.5, which is normal, even for a non-diabetic. Claire was on the larger side, but beautiful and had no adverse blood sugar levels in the NICU and was perfect. While I was pregnant I didn't experience any lows, I ate healthy, but as much as I wanted, I took water aerobics and rode the bike. I gained almost 50 pounds, but left the hospital with only 10 left to loose.

After Claire, my doctor and I tried oral meds again, at this point it was not hopeful, but worth a try. When starting insulin my doctor warned that once I started, I would probably be on insulin for life. Oral meds were not effective and my blood sugar levels immediately sky rocketed no matter what I did.

Now, three years later I would love to say that I have been the picture perfect diabetic. But that is a lie. It goes in cycles of denial, apathy, and acceptance. I had stopped seeing my endo and started being treated by a family doctor. I don't know if it was the doctor or just life but my numbers were creeping back up. I went to see a new family doctor mainly because I just wanted a lady. I saw her once and she said I needed to go back to an endocriniologist. She referred me to Dr. Haque. The rest has been blogged and even though Dr. Haque still has all the answers and might be a little arrogant, he has given me a lot more answr and made me feel like I am in control. He is the only one who has mentioned type 1.5 LADA diabetes and ran the tests so we would know for sure. He took the time to not just preach at me, but to teach me along the way.

A good reason to keep writing this blog is to keep diabetes in the front of my mind and to live in the knowledge that I am worth all the trouble that goes with being healthy. My attitude and Brent's have changed about him checking up on me. Before I would resent that he asked if I had check my blood or taken my insulin, but now I want him to. When he asks, it reminds me if I haven't or it lets me know that my diabetes isn't a distraction to in our life, that it isn't a big annoyance. I have learned that Brent and Claire deserve the hard work it takes for me to be "in control." And don't be mistaken, it is work. Thinking about carbs vs insulin, considering if I have or will be exercising, it is a pretty intense alegbra problem where the value of X keeps changing.


I wouldn't say that I even know what it means to accept diabetes, but maybe I will. I don't know how, but I am going to learn to live by the phrase, " . . if I can't change it, I might as well thank God for it." Thanking God for diabetes? I am not there yet, but someday.

If you haven't already read about diabetes as a type 1.5, please check out my blog entry from March 16th.