The Ball is Rolling

I met with Kerri today, my diabetes educator. She was relieved to hear I had decided to move forward with getting a pump. She pulled my blood glucose numbers off my meter and was ecstatic! My 3 week average is 113! Yeah me! A normal, non-diabetic person would average between 80-110. It was good to talk to her because she was so optimistic about how easy the transition to the pump is going to be. Of course this kind of stuff is her job.

Last week when I was still unsure about switching to the pump I started to memorize this verse:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will hold you with my right hand." Isiah 41:10 Well, I am still afraid of all the changes and still weak, but I am still trusting that God is holding me.

Then, earlier this week I saw a quote on a friend's blog from The Pursuit of God. Brent and I went through a book study of this book a couple of years ago, but rereading this quote this week was what I needed. (thanks, Andy) Here it is:
Father, I want to know thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Change. Obedience. Discipline.
I don't want to doubt that I can do this, because I don't want to doubt that God can do this or that I would be doing this alone. I don't want this to become an issue of faith. In AA you always hearing them saying that the first step is admitting you have a problem. Step 1: check

Now, I wait. Usually I am not a person who likes to wait. If I know something is going to happen, I want it to happen now. I think this might be the first, and last, time that I will enjoy the waiting. There are several different brands and models of pumps out there. I narrowed it down to two I liked and have contacted the companies to get quotes on prices and to see how much it will be after insurance. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist March 16th, hopefully before then I will have made a choice on which pump I will be getting and he will write the order.